I feel great!

I'm feeling great.

Oodles of Travis drama but I think he's finally going to leave me alone now! So that's a plus. Also I may have my first date in uh, forever on Saturday. The last date I went on was obviously with Travis, I don't know if it really counts as a date or not though since I had a gift card...but even that was almost two years ago! We'll see how it goes because it all depends on whether or not Travis sticks true to his "I'm taking the kids this Saturday" word or not. If he takes them I'm going to need to go out! This would be their first over night away and I'm going to be such a basket case, staying home by myself is definitely not an option. If he doesn't take them no worries, we'll just get a few friends together and play cards at my house! Either way, I'm pretty stoked. Even if nothing comes out of it, I think it's exactly what I need to get me out of this Travis funk I've been in for the last, uh, six years.

But anyway. Today I just happened to look at myself in the mirror. I wasn't intentionally checking myself out, I had just gotten a shower, I wasn't investigating my weight loss progress I just looked and I was pleased. I mean, I'm not going to say I look amazing. I'm not going to say I'm ready to be a nude model or something crazy like that, I'm not even going to say I'm near being skinny, but I could see obvious progress. I'm still wide all over, and in a picture my friend took of me yesterday I realized I have huge legs! Before I was really just looking at my fat stomach. Though when I started this I did take measurements of my thighs, as well as other parts. But yeah, looking at myself in the mirror I feel like now instead of looking like I'm still sporting a baby bump or worse a beer belly, now I just have a little kangaroo pouch.

Pants that didn't fit me before fit me now. A shirt that a few months ago fit me very well is now loose on me. It honestly makes me so excited. It motivates me a lot too. And it also even bums me out. I haven't made that huge of a lifestyle change. If I want a soda bad enough I'll still get one, though usually a can or small bottle rather than regular or large, I don't eat candy anymore, and mainly I just don't snack. I usually eat around the same amount for lunch or dinner, it's just all the picking that I've stopped doing. I feel like as long as it's taken me to start this, I could already be to my goal weight if I would have started when I first wanted to. Or even better, if I hadn't let myself go in the first place!

Today I was eating pancakes with the kids and recalled how when I was younger I would eat syrup. Just syrup. It's no wonder I grew up to have weight problems, it's actually lucky I didn't get them a long time ago!

And while I haven't been working out as ferociously as I was when I started all of this, I realize now so many ways that I can adapt it into my every day life. Even if I don't actually work out every day I still do a lot more moving. I have myself a nice little dance party every day. Usually when I'm getting ready for work and cleaning. I'm not going to go as far as to say I'm a good dancer, but uh, I get down with it. What might take me twenty minutes to clean up as a normal human being will probably take me an hour to do with music. I mean sure, it might seem silly, but when the song turns dramatic how could you not drop what you're doing, jump on the couch, do a few Elvis-like hip thrusts to the beat and then jump around? My cleaning includes hip thrusts, jumping, spinning, rolling around the ground, high kicks, you name it. I'm usually ready for a nap by the time I'm finished. One of my biggest irrational fears is that someone has a camera hidden in my house and watches all of this.

Yesterday the baby had a doctors appointment, after the appointment we went for a nice long walk for over an hour. It was nice. Come dinner time I was so sick and disgusted with Travis that I couldn't even eat. I did however make an exception whenever my friend brought me ice cream. So she, her daughter, my two boys, and myself all sat and ate ice cream right out of the tub on my couch last night. No regrets. I never regret ice cream.

I don't know why I even bother letting Travis get to me. I don't even like him or want to be with him, after talking to me his new girlfriend/toy/whatever left him as well. I guess all his lying and cheating caught up, because now she and I have new friends, I still have a date, and he's the one lonely and sad. I've got to give this girl props though. I stayed with him when he lied and cheated on me. I presented her with proof that he had been talking to and hanging out with several other girls and she's gone. She actually threatened to break a cup over his head if he didn't get out of her house lol. I love karma. He's of course furious at me, and it's my fault she won't talk to him. It's my fault for trying to ruin his life. Like I'm the one who lied to her? I wasn't the one telling other girls I liked them, how pretty they were, sending them pictures of me when they just got out of the shower (gag) and I certainly wasn't the one who invited them over to my house. So I have no clue why it's my fault that he cheated on her. But, well, whatever. The important part is he leaves me alone so I can move on. Because I know it'll be a lot harder to do if he's still around.

All and all, I think I'm having a fantastic day and making fantastic progress.