Will probably be MIA or at least short in the coming days.
Grandfather is having a lot of medical problems. I mean, he has been for a long time, he's been in and out of the hospital literally dozens of times this year for sugar problems but it's different this time.
I weighed myself today instead of tomorrow because I'll be In the hospital tomorrow. 174.0 so I've essentially maintained the last two weeks but I haven't really tried much either...right now all I want to do is drink booze and eat. A combination that would surely make me barf. So I wont. I'll have to choose one or the other.
But last night his sugar was really high. It read "high" the machines don't go over 700, your sugar should run between 120-180, but normal for him is around 200. He has been on hospice care for about a week and a half, the hospice nurses are supposed to make him as comfortable as they can at home rather than ending their life in a hospital. His doctor told the hospice nurse he wanted them to take him to the ER, the hospice nurse said her job was to keep him OUT of the hospital and she would have to talk to her supervisor first. Because of his high sugar, which ended up being 1001, he had a heart attack. Now I'm stuck with the "what if" they would have taken him to the hospital right away and not pussy footed around.
But now he's in icu. He's had a heart attack. His kidneys are shutting down. I didn't get to see him today but his knees were apparently turning purple/blue from lack of oxygen.
He thought he was fishing a lot. He used to fish in all of his free time. He used to take us fishing all the time. He thought he was fishing and he talked of seeing angels. I'm honestly really surprised he made it through the night.
Grandma said he looked really peaceful. He was sleeping and she said practically all of his wrinkles are gone. She think he's at peace and he's going tonight. Hopefully in his sleep if he does goes.
But anyway I'm probably not going to be very concerned with blogging for the next few days, I have no plans on working out, I don't have plans of doing much of anything at all.
I feel like shit. Because he's been in the hospital so many times it always doesn't even scare us anymore. Like before when he first starting going downhill he'd have maybe two hospital trips a year and everyone ran around like a chicken with their head cut off. Now it's just part of the daily...it's scary being around him sometimes.
Less than two years ago I had five grandparents, and before the week is over (a generous estimation) I will probably be down to one. I don't handle death well, I mean, I don't think anyone really does.
I go to my mom's every sunday, my grandparents live two doors down from my mom, we lived with my grandparents for the first nine years of my life, I take the kids down to visit every sunday. Wyatt loves his pap pap. Death blows and my anxiety makes me seriously disgruntled over doctors and hospitals.
I was supposed to be taking the kids to a birthday party tomorrow but now I'm dropping them off at dad's and spending the whole day in the icu.
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