Work out selfies

My favorite kind of selfies are work out selfies or post work out selfies. Something about working out makes me feel awesome! Well, not normally during the workout but afterwards I usually feel sexy, beautiful, energized. Isn't that typically when people take selfies? My flexibility is something that I am pretty proud of and something I make sure to work on constantly, so yes I may have a few pictures buried in the depth of my phone with my toes and my forehead making friends and some mid bridge selfies, just a heads up, not my wisest decision.

I have fun selfies too, like today I took one after a spider climbed under my treadmill and I was waiting for it to appear on the track. It never did.

I'm not showing off, I don't share these photos. They are for me. For me to look at when I'm feeling down and want to feel awesome, for me when I don't want to work out and need a little motivation. They can be progressive photos too. "Oh yeah that's right, this one is when two miles almost made cry." I don't post my selfies and a status on my twitter and facebook about how I'm working out. If I went to the gym I wouldn't check in. I just do it. For me. And the things I do for myself are some of the most precious.

This is my spider just went under the treadmill and I'm scared selfie.

One of my best friends and I do actually send snapchats to one another while we work out. I'm in Pennsylvania and she recently moved to Tennessee so we've got to keep in contact and it's great motivation for both of us. Like a cyber work out buddy. Now she's been ridiculously skinny her whole life but can't even touch her toes. So her snapchats are usually "I'm at an almost toe touch grrr" and I obviously can't tell because I see only her face and I send one back "moving up to the 8lb dumbbells woo" and she obviously can't see me doing my reps either but it sure is fun.  No regrets, just selfies.

My ghost story.

Want to know something pretty nifty? I'm writing this post from my treadmill. Well, my cell phone technically as I'm on the treadmill. See I work out daily but never use my treadmill because I hate running and I think walking on it is boring. So I'm trying to keep myself entertained as I do a half hour of cardio.

I don't actually want to write about my fitness journey tonight because I didn't plan any tips tonight and I don't have that much new to report. A few posts ago I mentioned my toddler being terrified of the upstairs and some suspected haunting happening in my house and said I'd go more into that later...it's later.

It's been some months since I've had any hoopla and almost a year since I moved in so I'm going to try to get this in order but I will probably leave something out.

First off, if you aren't a believer in ghosts you might as well exit the blog now. For the first 9 years of my life we lived with my grandma and her house was haunted. So I grew up around ghosts, they are something I'm very interested in, something that sometimes gives me the weebie jeebies but that I can't get enough of. In my grandma's house there is an old lady and another spirit upstairs we've never actually seen. The old lady usually resides in my grandma's room, typically by the second closet (big house, two closets in one room) but could also be caught a lot of late nights rocking in a rocking chair at the end of the hall. Typical old lady ghost, long ruffled white dress and a bonnet. Not all too interesting, just present. The Ghost upstairs was more interesting though. The house is seriously big, the attic is actually three additional bedrooms. The middle bedroom is the one this spirit resides in. It usually just walks the hallways up in the attic and for some reason is also partial to a closet. If you put things too close to the closet they are likely to go missing, get bent, or our favorite get thrown across the dammed bedroom. I think it's a good spirit as well, mischievous but friendly. We were playing in one of the attic rooms once when we were young that was being used as storage and knocked two mattresses over and I got stuck behind them. Cue 4 year old and 6 year olds freaking out. My sister was trying to move the mattresses and couldn't, and then all of the sudden they did and we flew the fuck out of that room. Could be a number of explanations but I have my suspicions on a little bit of help.

But anyway, that's my grandmother's house, and we want to talk about mine.

To be honest I'm not sure exactly when I suspected we had a guest. It was just simple things really like the baby following things around the room with his eyes and smiling and laughing. What kind of baby doesn't do that sort of stuff? Wyatt started getting up around 3 in the morning and coming into my room, i just figured it was the new house and let it go. It was in Wyatts room. I don't know why I asked but one day Wyatt (the at the time 2 and a half year old) as usual kept staring across the room while we were reading at bed time. I don't know why but I asked him if someone was there  and he freaked out. This is when he started insisting on sleeping in my room full time.

The activity was typically just in Wyatts room at this point we really just started leaving him room alone, it stemmed into the bathroom (can you say awkward) and the hallway as well. I wasnt really in Sawyers room for long periods so i dont know whether it ever breeched into his as well. I never felt uncomfortable, like scared, but I definitely felt something. Sawyer thought whatever it was was hilarious, Wyatt on the other hand was terrified.

We moved into the house in September, Christmas eve eve I was sitting downstairs wrapping presents and some of the presents beside me waiting to be wrapped started going off. I might have brushed it off if it was only one. This was the first time anything happened downstairs.

One night Wyatt and I were laying in my bed. He was asleep and I was facing him with my back to the room. I heard, and felt, someone just blow onto my back. I insisted to myself that I was just crazy, I knew I felt it but I was so not in the mood for this shit tonight.

Things started going missing, like a lot of things. I'll list a few, in no particular order. These were in between other random happenings but rather than try to remember the exact order I'll just share some of the missing stuff. One of the first things was my mom's bracelet. It was one of those charm bracelets that you pay like $20 for one stupid bead, I thought the bracelet was stupid anyway but it was the first to go missing. Right off her wrist! At the time we thought it just slipped off when she was playing with the boys but it still hasn't been found. Another thing was my bras. I had not bought myself new bras since I bought nursing bras three years earlier when I was pregnant with Wyatt. I was in need. So I bought myself a few bras. I took one out of the bag and put it on and left the bag downstairs. Poof. Gone. A full bag full of bras. I searched, angrily, frantically, desperately. Still to this day have never found them. One of the most frustrating ones was my eyeliners. I had a tube in my purse, two in the bathroom, and one on my vanity and all disappeared at the same time, ten minutes before I was going to go to work. I looked on the bathroom floor, dumped my purse, all over the house. At this point a lot of things had gone missing and I was getting fed up with our guest and I cursed, ranted, raved, and threatened. In return over the next week I had one tube reappear at a time, like I was being teased. Another time my best friend came over, took a pair of socks out of her purse and set them on the arm of my couch while she went and put on sweatpants. Poof. Gone. They ended up showing back up one at a time as well, even though they had been balled together when set down.

I have no clue what happened here. Wyatt was doing very well potty training, I even have the sticker charts to prove it. I was at work and my mom was with them, she was in the bathroom and he was in the doorway and she said all of the sudden his face went completely pale and he just started saying NO. After that he didn't even want to go upstairs at all. To potty, to bath, to go to bed, anything.

I was running the vacuum one day and it just shut off. It didn't come unplugged. I don't have a vacuum that has an on and off button, it's literally a switch, and it was literally switched off. It was more annoying than anything.

I was concerned, because a lot of the action happened in Wyatts room, and the night it blew on my back Wyatt was in my bed, I started to worry that this thing was attached to Wyatt. Then I also thought that I was always in Wyatts room when these things happened, I was the one it blew on, I was alone a lot of night when toys would go off. Was it attached to me? Or perhaps just wondering the house and toying around with whatever it could.

I would hang something up, turn around and do something and when I turned back around again it would be on the floor. This would happen three or four times before I screamed "STOP!" And it wouldn't fall again.

Things seemed to be happening a lot more. And they were getting more annoying and I would even say gutsy. Things going missing could be easily explained. One night Wyatt was brushing his teeth and I went into his room to get his pajamas and turn on his lights. He was sleeping in his room again but with a night light and wouldn't go in without the lights on. I walked through his room and turned on one of the lights that are on top of his bookcase. Then I started to go back to the bathroom right when I was at the doorway I heard music. Turned around and a bunch of books were on the floor (books from the bookcase the lamp I just turned on rests on!) And sitting perfectly flat between two lumps of books and opened to the first page was one of those "record your voice" books playing music. Now the book falling open would be one thing, but for all the books to fall and me not to hear a thump? What made them fall? Why wasn't the voice book part of a pile of books, that they were separated to give this one an open space? It makes no sense.

My mom borrowed one of those machines that are supposed to read....I forget what it's even called. But anyway it's a meter and if it goes past I think 60 there's supposedly a ghost or you're too close to an electric source. Around my tv or a wall it would usually go up a bit. But in Wyatts room it legitimately went past 2-friggin-thousand. No where else in the house would it even pass two hundred, even on top of the microwave when it was running. So I was silly one day and downloaded an app that was supposedly a communicator. I'm sure it's a lot of bologna, but I was using it *ahem* while taking a shit and it said "girl, bathroom. Rachel." And obviously my name is Rachel and I was like okay. It went through stuff in my phone. Then It said "Sarah Elizabeth" which is my sister but no where in my phone do I have her full name. I got into the bath tub and I was still doing it and it said "Look down. Travis" and travis was down stairs with the kids. And then it kept saying "aqua, aqua, aqua, aqua" and I never used it again.

I was incredibly fed up at this point. Curious still, my religious side claimed there were no such thing as good ghosts, my other side reasoned that I grew up around ghosts that were good, but the most important side of me, the mothering side, knew my son was scared. My house was no longer exciting or interesting. It was exhausted. I remember specifically one day I was in front of a full length mirror finishing up getting ready for work and there was an empty can of formula on the ground. In the mirror I could clearly see the can rolling in the reflection and I could hear the sound of the scooper inside moving around inside. I turned around and it stopped instantly. I was so mad. I stupidly challenged it. I don't remember exactly what I said. I know I said "you want me to know you're hear so bad well you have my attention move it again!" But nothing happened. I'm not sure which would have been worse, that it didn't move, or if it would have.

I finally reached my breaking point. See I was torn, because I like ghosts. I'm interested in ghosts, I never felt threatened, Sawyer though whatever it was was funny but Wyatt was terrified. I had asked it once to maybe just stay in the basement or be invisible and quiet because it scared wyatt and it was quiet for about three days. But the night I reached my breaking point Wyatt was in his room sleeping, he had been sleeping through the night again for a few weeks, almost a month even. Around midnight he woke up crying. I was still awake and downstairs, so I went up. He was obviously scared and I wasn't going to force him to stay somewhere he was scared. So I gave him kisses and told him to come to mommy's room. We went through his room and I opened the door and he stopped in his tracks and stared into the hallway and then he just lost it. He wanted up and was screaming no and pointing frantically that he wanted to go back to his bed. He eventually fell back asleep holding my hand and i went back downstairs. He woke up crying again and this time went into my room, and then back to his room, and then back to my room. He was just terrified. And I was at my Witts end. I laid with him and told him how much I loved him and how I'd never let anything hurt him and that our house was a protected house and that God and Jesus wouldn't let anything hurt him and they were stronger than any scary thing we meet. And here is where i had it  officially. Done. As i was telling him about God and Jesus something promptly got very loudly stuck in my fan. (I sleep with a fan every single night.) I got out of bed and gave my fan a little wiggle thinking it was probably just like something got sucked in, and my dammed fan breaks. My fan that I need to sleep with every night! By this point in the (I guess we'll call it this) haunting j already had my four bibles spread throughout the house, had religious pendants hanging on both ends of Wyatts bed and I wore (still do, have since I found God) my criss necklace daily.

I had already been planning on cleansing the house but my curious side had kept me at bay a little. My aunt had a friend who liked to ghost hunt and I was planning on investigating the house and then cleansing it. After that night and an infinite load of research I was done. Someone had already given me sage, I took my sage, and I took my Bible, and I walked the house repeating that this was a house of God, that we were protected by the Lord and this thing was not welcome here. It was terfifying. I watch too many scary movies, I was expecting the house to shake, windows to break, lights to flicker. But nothing happened. Not a single thing.


It's been a fee months. I think it was March when I cleansed the house. We've done it again, just for good measure. But it's all been quiet since then. So that's the story. Believe it if you want or not. I have one picture, where there is clearly a face behind wyatt in a window. But to be honest, I actually don't know if it's real or not so I won't share it here. The only one who would have had access to my phone and wanted to freak me out would be travis and his friends when I'd give the kids a bath or something I'd leave my phone down there. Everyone insists they didn't mess with it and the picture had been the talk of my family and coworkers for weeks. If anyone is actually interested I can send it in a private email, and if someone could actually give me answers as to the realness of the picture that'd be great. My sister is a graphic designer and she couldn't tell, my mom searched to find a similar picture like the one in the picture that could have been edited into it but didn't find one. My mom and uncle insist it looks like their father who recently passed but I don't see it and I hardly knew the guy, no reason for him to visit me.



Oh by the way, I did 45 minutes of cardio instead of 30 being distracted with this thing. Hurrah.

At my very worst..

I just realized it has been 20 days since I started this blog. They say it takes 21 days to make a habit. Unfortunately, I haven't been dedicated enough to this. It's been almost a month and I know I could have definitely made more progress than I have. I have used several of the excuses I even rambled on about in my post about debunking the common excuses. I'm trying not to be too down on myself. I mean, at this exact moment I'm wearing a pair of pants comfortably that less than a month ago gave me horrible muffin top, pants I had to struggle to get in and out of, meaning that every bathroom break I took required a few extra minutes. That's something I should be proud of.

And don't get me wrong. I am proud. I do weigh less than I did when I started. But I haven't done nearly as well as I could have. Which is frustrating. It's always frustrating when you know your capabilities and you don't meet them. I'm really itching to get a new pair of new shoes. My favorite black pair are now black with a white tip. I got these shoes over three years ago for my baby shower with Wyatt. I had been planning on rewarding myself with a fresh pair of shoes once I earned them. Unfortunately, I have not yet earned them. Bummer. I was even excited to work out last night, but instead I ended up going to bed early. And on one hand, it was the first night I'd gone to sleep before 1 AM in almost two weeks and I really did need the sleep, but I've skipped far too many work outs.

I haven't made this a habit...yet. But I'm more determined now than I ever have been before. And seeing my results is actually very motivating. Like these pants. Awesome. I think this blog is pretty good for me too. It makes me feel accountable. This is also one of the first times I have worked on losing weight for myself. Every other time has been to impress someone else, typically a boy, and this time I am doing it to be healthy, to be comfortable in my body, and with the hopes of keeping up with my little guys! I think when you are your own motivation, it helps a lot. I'm proud to be doing this the right way. I'm envision of those who lose the weight quickly, especially with diet pills or wraps, I'm jealous that they don't have to work as hard for it. But I'm so proud of myself.

I'll admit. I came close before. So close to "just trying" a diet pill. It had good reviews on amazon and was only $19! I just could not bring myself to do it though. I reasoned with myself that "once I lost weight I wouldn't be as out of shape and working out would be easier." Newsflash! It doesn't get easier. YOU get stronger! This was months ago, when I sat on my couch with a plate of doritos wallowing in self pity and weight dismay. No, I'm not even exaggerating.

I wanted to be skinny, I looked at old pictures of myself and just stewed. I have always thought I was over weight but looking at pictures I knew I wasn't. Even my arms and legs were slim and adorable. There was no hint of a double chin, I had a small belly but I was tiny! I got so upset over looking at how skinny I was that it seemed like the only reasonable thing to do at the time was get a tub of ice cream.

My dirty little secret? I love cake batter. Favorite thing ever. I would reward myself with cake batter. Just a bit of the powder in a bowl mixed with water and it still tasted good without the risk of salmonella. I'm so ashamed to even admit that. I would decide that I would go on a diet starting Monday and would then just binge eat insisting that I needed to one, get it out of my system because I wouldn't have anything of this stuff any time soon, two, I needed to get EVERYTHING fattening out of the house RIGHT NOW (because God forbid I just show a little restraint?), a three, I reasoned that heavier people lost weight quicker so if I gained a few pounds it would just come off a little quicker, I was practically doing myself a favor!

I look bad at who I was, just months ago, and I'm disgusted. Disgusted with the way I mistreated my body, the way I spiraled out of control, the way I turned to food to cheer me up, to entertain me when I was bored, and to make me happy and excited. My anxiety was through the roof! Getting dressed for work took almost an hour because I would try on almost every outfit I had looking for anything that I looked half decent in. I lived in denial of the growing tightness of my pants by avoiding them. So I wore leggings almost daily and sweat pants or pajamas when I was home. My self esteem and weight issues made me want to hide in my room, I got anxiety about leaving my house because of my weight, I hated taking pictures of myself, even selfies, I hated getting dressed, I even wished I could be anorexic or bulimic so that I could lose weight.

Tell me how ridiculous that is. If I wanted to lose weight, why not DO SOMETHING about it? Bulimia? Anorexia? I guarantee you are far more stressful and difficult than working out is! I was getting chest pains, and I started taking up some light yoga and believed that the knee pain I began experiencing was because I stretched too far. In reality, it was probably because of my weight. The chest pain, I believe was very likely due to the ridiculous level of anxiety I was reaching, but never went to a doctor to have it confirmed. I know, chest pain is nothing to mess around with but for me, neither are doctors.

It wasn't until one day that it struck me...I want to be healthy. Not just skinny, though it is a hell of a plus, I want to be healthy. I remember it as a very emotional moment. I went upstairs with Wyatt and was laying in bed praying with him and I was just so out of breath from the climb up the stairs! I went back downstairs and sat on the couch, looked around my messy house and decided I was just way too tired to clean it. I would be sure to get to it tomorrow though (I'm so sure). I was discussing 'skinny pills' with a friend via text and I just said "I don't want to take pills. I can't be proud of my weight loss if I cheat." and she said "I don't care I just want to be skinny again." And I replied, without even thinking about it, "I want to be healthy."

It's like a light lit in my head clicked on all of the sudden. I want to be healthy? I mean, no one wants to be unhealthy. Obviously. But...I want to be healthy? I had to really think about that. For so long, I thought I wanted to be skinny. I still wanted to be skinny didn't I? Yes, I still wanted to be skinny. But I wanted to be healthy? It was surprising. I'm 21 years old, most healthy 21 year olds don't think about health, it's just something they assumed they are and will stay. I looked around my house again and I thought I just wanted to be better. Not just look better, but be better. So I got up, and I did the dishes and I examined myself, and all of my decisions. And I realized my issues stemmed much deeper than just needed to shed a decent number of pounds.

All of the sudden I had all of these new things I wanted that I couldn't get out of my head but I had never really thought of before. I thought of both of the kids graduations, college of course, and imagined myself with rolls upon rolls, or even worse, in a wheel chair. What if my caffeine addiction led me to be insulin dependent? I ate far too many carbs, that would simply never do. I wanted to meet my grandchildren, my great grandchildren even! When the kids looked back at their childhood when they remember me chasing them through the yard with a squirt gun, building igloos in the snow with them, or would they remember watching tv, watching me watch tv? Would they grow up saying "I need a girl who can cook like my mother!" or would they simply grow accustomed to chicken nuggets and over baked pizza? Was my weight, and my diet, my laziness, my slobbiness, was this entitling me to be the mother I wanted to be? How long would I be around for my kids, how long until my arteries are clogged and I'm needing round the clock care?

I started thinking someday, I'm going to run in a marathon. I'm going to be featured in those before and after pictures with an inspiring story. I want my kids to play sports, or dance, or do something active! I was always horrible at sport, I couldn't even hit a base ball, I was even bad at kick ball. I didn't want them to suffer that sort of humiliation. I didn't want them to lie about how much they weigh out of embarassment as early as the first grade! I wanted my boys and any future kids to grow up feeling proud of their mother, and proud of themselves in every aspect. And I needed to be healthy to make all of this happen. And suddenly I realized being skinny was just an added bonus to being healthy! And suddenly, my weight was just a number. And my body wasn't something large and flabby that I was just stuck in, suddenly my body was the only thing keeping me around for these kids, the one tool I could count on to get all of my chores done. My body was just one of many things I was severely keeping under kept. And my body was just one of the things I needed to learn to love and respect. But even more than that, I needed to learn to love and respect myself.

And all of this leads me back to where I am right now. I may not have had the best week last week. But I can guarantee you even my worst healthy week is better than my best junk life. So after writing this whole thing down, I just came to the conclusion that even though I probably gained weight last week, and even if I haven't worked out as much as I should have been I'm still stronger. And I have the will of someone who wants to be better. And that goes a long way.


Stay strong.

Rewards

Choo choooo. All aboard, I'm back on the diet train. Okay, first off, I still hate the word diet, and second off I never really fell off. I, uh, I just hung back on the caboose. No biggie. 

Although I am a grown adult, I'm going to talk about potty training. I assure you all that I am fully house broken, but have just started working on my toddler. This all ties together, I swear. He was practically potty trained before but we had a little mishap with the house. It's actually a very interesting story, if you believe in ghosts and all that is. Anyway, to make a long story short he decided he was terrified of the upstairs and therefore the bathroom. We had a potty downstairs as well but he wasn't having any of it. Anyway, he's just over three now, so I decided it was time again. Also, buying a box of diapers every single week has gotten incredibly old. 

Wow. Potty training is great exercise! We are fine and dandy, playing with fire trucks. I inquire "do you have to potty?" and get the answer no. Only minutes later though Wyatt runs to me frantically screaming "I have go potty I have go potty!" This is a very exciting thing (despite the fact that it's the 18th time today) so of course I drop whatever I'm doing, jump to my feet and scream "You have to go potty?" Originally he was climbing the stairs himself, but after two accidents yesterday I have somehow gotten into the habit of grabbing him and running up the stairs screaming "You have to go potty!" while he screams "I have go potty!" It's all very exciting. He's 26 pounds, and running up the stairs with him isn't a huge feat. Jumping over the gate (because climbing is just not exciting enough) and running up the stairs repeatedly is actually a decent work out though. And I mean, he's just a little kid, he's got a small bladder. We run up and down the stairs a lot. My favorite was when we ran upstairs and went pee, promptly came back down the stairs and he announced we had to poop. I'm getting to the part where this plays into my healthy living.

It's not like I can get frustrated about it either. I told him to tell me when he has to potty, I told him to pee and poop in the big boy potty. I can't get frustrated, show negativity, and have him not go on the potty anymore! Anyway, we only had one accident today and he's been dry all night the last two nights too. Pretty good since this is only day three. Yesterday was two accidents, Saturday there were a few. I went out and spent $38 on big boy underwear today. He's been wearing them since Saturday but I only had a few pairs. I don't have a dryer(well, a working one that is) so I usually do laundry at my moms house, which I only go to on Sunday. So he needs enough underwear for the whole week. I figured in factoring in accidents, the fact that he'll put on different underwear after bath time, I might as well just stock up. Besides, I'll save this much on diapers every month anyway. So I went today before work and picked up some underwear. Cars, spiderman, and mickey mouse. Of course he loves batman too but they were too big. Anyway, I gave them to my mom to give to Wyatt (we work together and I go in at three and she gets off at five and then goes to my house after) and they called me to talk about his underwear. He's recently gotten really into talking on the phone, it is seriously heart melting. Anyway, he made my mom get every single pair out so he could check them out (they came in packs of seven) and he wanted to let me know the mater pair was his favorite. So frigging cute! But I'm also wildly disappointed that I wasn't there to give him the underwear. How ridiculous is that? IT'S UNDERWEAR FOR GODSAKE!

Well, back to the diet thing. I swear this all ties together.

Rewards. 

There's no rule in the big bad book of adulthood that says grown ups can't have sticker charts. I don't personally have a sticker chart, but there's lots of way you can reward yourself too. I'd urge you not to choose rewards that are unhealthy. You don't want to celebrate your loss of three pounds by going out to eat and drinks after gaining two of them back. 

You could maybe decide after your first five pounds you're going to get your nails. When you lose ten pounds you'll buy yourself a new shirt or something, 20 and you get a hair cut. Maybe every five pounds you buy yourself a new shirt in the size of your goal. This is great because if you're losing a great deal of weight and you've always had weight issues you probably don't have a whole lot of smaller clothes meaning you'll have to buy all new things anyway! This way instead of going out one day and spending a fortune you get just a little at a time! And the second plus to this is motivation. If you go out, spend all this money on nice new clothes to wear someday, you have something to look forward to. You don't want to spend money on something you'll never use? Hand the clothes somewhere highly visible to motivate yourself every single day into fitting them. Just seriously, be reasonable. I wouldn't go out and buy a size zero skirt. I have wide hips so the smallest I would ever buy or have ever fit was a size 5. Small and medium shirts, don't go xxs. The goal is to motivate yourself, not blow money and set unrealistic standards for your body.

You could give yourself rewards that have nothing to do with pounds. If your goal isn't simply to lose weight, but to get fit, or be healthier, than the number on a scale may be simply that. A number. Maybe you have a horrible sweet tooth, if you make it two whole weeks without chocolate or cookies you take yourself out to the movies to celebrate, and don't get the gobstoppers as part of the reward! Maybe you set a work out goal, like say, you want to be able to jog three miles, obviously you have to work up to that. Whenever you finally work your way up to 3 miles you get your hair done or treat yourself to a little shopping spree. Maybe those cute boots you've been eyeing online? 

Have commitment issues? Never manage to keep your diet going more than a few weeks? Whenever you make it a month you reward yourself. I'm feeling maybe a night out with friends. If you're a mom like me you'll realize that's a huge reward! 

Those are just a few ideas. You know what you like best. For me, treating myself to a new book is a big reward for me, maybe for you you'd like to buy a few more songs off iTunes.  I'd save the bigger rewards obviously for bigger achievements. Hell if you want a damn sticker chart get a damn sticker chart. Every time you make a healthy decision give yourself a sticker. Sticker for working out, sticker for eating carrots instead of carrot cake, etc. Once you get so many get a prize! For an even more interesting reward go back to the surprise workout routine we discussed with popsicle sticks. Make a list of things you want but haven't been able to convince yourself to spend money on, or maybe something you spend money on all the time that you want to use as motivation, write each one on a piece of paper or a popsicle stick. Hell, put a piece of paper in a balloon and pop one to find the reward I don't care! Once you reach your goal, whatever it me be, pounds lost, healthy decisions made, weeks lasted, draw a surprise reward. 

Oh goodie, we're making this fun! Right? Right. 

I am beautiful

Doesn't look like I'll be posting a weigh in this week. I typically go to my mom's to weigh myself on Sundays but not headed over there. So I guess it will have to wait.

I can't say as I'm too terribly disappointed though. I didn't work out almost this entire week, nor have I gotten a whole lot of sleep. Been up until almost 1 in the morning every night doing something or other.

Between the going away party for a co worker, a birthday, the veggie pizza I made and a cookout with the family, I'm not so sure I would have lost this week and I really am not ready to see my numbers climbing.

But thats the great part about dieting though isn't it? Every day is another day fresh, another chance to do it right. And even if i might have gained a pound or two (please not more! Lol) I'm feeling pretty optimistic.

The other thing is, I'm feeling really confident too. I know I'm not at my ideal weight, but I know I'm beautiful no matter what weight I'm on. The choices I make in life, the children I raise, my relationship with God, and the closeness of my family, it all makes me beautiful. I'm beautiful so long as I realize it.

Granted I haven't washed my hair today, my face is breaking out, I'm bloated from my period and I'm wearing the same sweat pants as yesterday I might not look so hot right at this exact moment. But I am beautiful.

I realize I've been a little less active this week than I have in the past but I have had my hands full. While my sons' father has been unemployed for almost a year I am on the verge of getting a second job just to be able to keep renting our house! Potty training Wyatt is going very well, he thinks big boy pants are awesome because they have cars, toy story, or Thomas the tank on them so he's been wearing underwear for the past two days. So proud of him.

I finally got a full night of sleep last night for the first time all week and I'm looking forward to a good work out tonight.

I realize it has been five years since my last trip to Ricketts Glen and that is not okay. If you've never been to Ricketts Glen you a severely missing out. It's a really long hiking trail where you get to see and climb in under or on top of a ton of water falls. One of my goals is actually to be in shape enough to handle the trip again. The whole trail I believe is seven miles and it's stunning. Right now I think it I tried it I would probably die. I'm hoping by September or early October I would be able to handle the trail again. It's one of my favorite places ever. Very unique. If you ever get the chance take it.

This last week has definitely set me back a bit but I actually enjoy working out so I'll get back on track I'm sure.

Vegetable Pizza Recipe!

Here is finally is. My veggies pizza recipe. I had every intention of sitting down and figuring out the calorie contents of this bad boy, but I'm not quite sure I even want to know. In any case, this family is addicted.

This is not something quick to make because of all of the chopping up you have to do with the vegetables. We have a pretty nifty cutter that chops everything into small squares, the finer the pieces the better! This way instead of having say, one piece of broccoli in this bite, and a piece and cauliflower and carrot on another, this way you have everything in one bite. This recipe makes two very large pans.

So here's what you'll need.

5 packages of the rolled crescents.
16 oz Sour cream
16 oz cream cheese
2 cups Mayo (NOT MIRACLE WHIP!)
3 packages of hidden valley ranch dressing mix
Broccoli
Cauliflower
Carrots
Finely shredded cheese

First, I would chop the vegetables. This is the longest process of the whole pizza. You want as small of pieces as possible. The little bits that seem to fall off the heads of broccoli and cauliflower and okay to keep too. If you can get someone to help you with this part do it, it is very time consuming. You can mix all of the vegetables together, or you can separate them to keep them on one at a time.

Secondly, you will roll the crescents out flat. Knead the rolls together so that they will merge and instead of say five of six crescent rolls you'll have one large dough across the whole pan. Just a warning, do not try to mush all of the crescents together into one ball hoping it will be easier to roll out in the end. It doesn't work! Unroll each crescent and flatten them into the next.

Put these in the oven, then should take only a few minutes to get brown, I usually keep my oven around 350 or 375.

Next, mix the softened cream cheese, sour cream, and two cups of mayo together. Once they are mixed together add the salad dressing mix. You can do this while your crescents bake, but don't get too distracted. They brown pretty quickly!

When the crescents have cooled completely smear the mixed condiments over the entire things. Apply generously.

Lastly sprinkle the veggies onto the pizza, the dip will help to hold them in place and finally add the cheese as the final layer. I personally like to apply the broccoli on first because I can see exactly how much is on, followed by cauliflower, and the carrots last because it adds a little bit of color.


This is best served the following day. The night of the crescents will still be hard, but over night as the dip soaks into them it gets soft and takes in a lot of the flavor. Best dish to bring to a party hands down. I can't count how many people have told me mine was the best veggie pizza they had ever had. Cutting your veggies super small makes a huge difference!

Anxiety Attack.

This is off topic on my weight loss blog. Sorry. I'll probably keep it short because I'm posting from my phone instead of laptop. This post is more for myself than anyone else, I guess it's sort of a vent. One of my best friends has anxiety issues and she's usually the one I go to to discuss these sorts of things but she's a couple hundred miles away and I really feel like no one around me understands.

I have anxiety.
And I don't mean like "oh I'm nervous about this big presentation I have to make to my boss next week. Yikes!" No. I mean I have an anxiety disorder. Undiagnosed of course because talking about my anxiety gives me major anxiety. Growing up when I tried to talk to my mom about anxiety (and my sister tried about depression) she practically told us we had no clue what anxiety or depression is and we don't have it. This stemmed my irrational fear that if I tell someone something is wrong they won't believe me, doctors especially. I broke a bone in my ankle (small, literally does nothing) and left it for over a year because the first time I went to the doctor they said they couldn't find anything wrong (yeah the bone is that small. At the time it may have only been fractured and worsened from use those) they ended up just taking it out. But I didn't go back because I thought  they'd think I was faking an injury. Why anyone would think that I have no clue, but I still feel that way. Even with taking my kids to the doctors, if the problem isn't obvious (like an ingrown toenail or diaper rash) I think they'll just think I'm nuts.

So no, I have not gone forth to the doctors about this. I keep thinking I should because it's affecting my every day life. But I can't bring myself to do it.

If you are a human being you have probably experienced anxiety. Let me be very clear about this, having anxiety is different than having an anxiety disorder. And also, just because you have an anxiety disorder does not mean you will have panic attacks. ALSO, just because you have a panic attack doesn't mean you have anxiety. Confused yet? Everyone will experience anxiety in their life time. Situational anxiety. If you dont, you're probably an android or are lying about it. My mom has had a panic attack, which I believe is where her misinformation about anxiety stemmed, that unless I had panic attacks I didn't have anxiety. My mom however doesn't have anxiety even though she had a panic attack? An anxiety disorder is not a temporary thing. Situational anxiety is.

If I had to explain what living with an anxiety order was like...I would probably say it's knowing that impending doom is moments away at every moment of your life. I'm not always anxious, but I am a lot of the time. I have trigger, like most anxious people do, but a most of the time it comes unexpectedly. Typical triggers for me are obviously when I'm scared, a situation that would bring normal people anxiety will bring me anxiety and possibly panic attacks and then two years later I will still rehearse the situation in my head and get anxiety over it all over again on a nightly basis. I'm very strange with time, for example, if I have to be at work at 3 and it's 12 I will panic because I only have three hours to put on my make up (I wear only eye liner and light eye shadow except on special occasions), if Travis is supposed to watch the kids at 1 and it's 12:55 I will be ripping my hair out thinking that I'm going to be late for whatever I have to do at 2.  Police sirens and doctors are a trigger for me. Most of the time however my anxiety happens for no reason. I have yet to find a way to settle myself. There are no breathing techniques, no work out routines, no drink mixes, that can make me calm down. It's just impossible.

When my anxiety creeps in it is a constant feeling. Usually my stomach feels tight, I get hot flashes, and no matter where I am or what I'm doing I feel like I just need to go some where, like if I don't move RIGHT NOW whatever is behind my shoulder is going to get me. Imagine how stressful this is when you have an office job, or back in my school days where I have to remain seated and can't just get up and walk around like I feel like I HAVE to. Don't worry though, even when I do walk I won't feel any better so it doesn't make that much of a difference. I try to remind myself to breathe, because that seems to help everyone, but when I try to breathe it reminds me that I am breathing because I have anxiety and I am reminded of and feeling even worse about my anxiety.

When you make a mistake at work, you curse and repair the situation or move on if it's done and over with. Not me. If I make a mistake I immediately think I'm horrible at my job, I should have never come here, I have an easy job even a monkey could do it, I'm never going to get a raise, I'm never going to get a promotion, hell I'm probably going to get fired! I should have stayed at my part time retail job forever, I can't do this, I should know better by now, I'm such a joke. And so on. Two months later and I'm probably still panicking about that one time I answered the phone the wrong way.

If you know someone with anxiety, or are just reading this and think I just sound "over dramatic" that's exactly what it is. Problems that would tick a normal person off, will set me into a frenzy. Don't even get me started on the real issues.

Anyway. That was just a small vent about some anxiety type quirks. But thats not the point about this post. This post is actually to talk about tonight. Tonight I had the worst anxiety attack I've had to date. I have had panic attacks before. Only a handful of them. I live in an almost constant state of anxiety, sometimes when my anxiety is bad is where I discussed the tightness and feeling like I need to be on the move, and then there are the actual panic attacks. A typical panic attack usually lasts only a few minutes but can be a reoccurrent thing for hours.

Travis is going on a trip to see some relatives tomorrow, so naturally he wanted to see the kids today as he'll be gone a week. (We are not together but we have a decent relationship when it comes to the kids. They live with me full time, he doesn't get them over night but we have an open door policy. If he asks to see them other than when he watches them Fridays when I work the answer is always yes. So he usually sees them two three times a week.) I went shopping to get my supplies for veggie pizza (recipe soon I promise!!!) When I came back I was pretty high strung.

I had gone to talk to my landlord and he wasn't there. While we were out shopping there was a shooting and the shooters fled (no one was killed thank God) but it wasn't more than a few miles from my house and Travis doesn't have a cell phone and I don't have a home phone so I couldn't call him to lock the doors. My anxiety tonight was actually for a valid reason, but I won't go into that as it's personal. But I was already high strung.

So travis was still there and I was trying fretfully to keep myself bottled up and it wasn't working. I have anxiety a lot so I usually try really hard to just keep doing whatever I'm doing but I could tell a panic attack was coming and the longer I sat there biting my lip the worse it was probably going to get. So I did what I always do when I can't even pretend to cope with my anxiety and someone else is with me. I went to the bathroom and sat in the shower. You have to understand, having no control over the way your brain processes things and losing it like this is not a very proud moment. This is something I've struggled with, and travis as a former fiancé and live in lover is the only one who has ever had to really deal with my anxiety issues. But even with him, he's only dealt with me when I'm having a lot of anxiety, not when I'm having an anxiety attack. And in any case he's not helpful either way.

I prefer my anxiety to be behind closed doors. Believe it or not there are actually very few who know I even have this problem, and even fewer who realize how severe. So I hid in the shower, but seeing as I had been home for less than a half hour and this was my third bathroom trip (1st trip to change tampon, second to make three loud thumps, third the anxiety) he came up after a few moments. In those minutes I was hyperventilating, clutching onto the bar in my shower for support, crying, the whole nine yards. My whole face is numb which has never happened to me before. I stopped I think twice but then just started right at it again.

He politely knocks on the door followed by a crude "are you taking a shit in there?" Hard to believe I didn't put a ring on that isn't it? I told him I was fine but he came in. Unfortunately with me not on the toilet there was only one other place I could be and he found me behind the shower curtains. I was able to quickly shut my faucets off and mute myself, but when he asked what I was doing I couldn't answer either or that would blow my cover, oh yeah, and I couldn't look at him either. But we have an almost 6 year history and he caught me.

Bless his heart, but the poor boy assumes everything is about him. He immediately wants to know what he did this time, starts on the "I don't know what you want from me Rachel" hoopla. He tries to be helpful and pull me up, tries to hug me, tells me to "come here" etc but that's not helping. When I'm having anxiety I don't want to be touched. I don't know why, but it sets me off more, I turn almost frantic trying to shrug away from his touch, push him away, ask him to please stop. Of course now it's no longer about me, I've damaged his ego and he's mad at me now. This was a typical issues in our relationship too. He threatens that if I don't get out of the bathroom and come back downstairs he's leaving NOW."

The hyperventilating has made me light headed and my feet feel heavy. I don't want to walk, I just want to sit, I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass out but I dont. I go to my bedroom and sit again before we go down stairs where I promptly begin chopping vegetables through my blubbering. Of course he wants me to "come here" and I tried to explain to him it's not him right now it's me, I just can't be touched and it's personal again (even though by now I've explained to him what I'm panicking about). "I don't know what you want me to do." And I told him nothing. Just sit with me for a minute. Don't touch me, talk to me, or look at me. But I like you being here. But he wants to talk about it. He can't seem to comprehend it when I say "I CANT TALK RIGHT NOW I NEED A MINUTE" which I do. I needed a few minutes which is why I had retreated to the bathroom but he couldn't grant me that.

Like I said, anxiety attacks (for me anyway some people may be different) are a very personal and private matter. Not only is it embarrassing, but also I know when I'm being irrational, over dramatic, or paranoid, it's not like I can shut it off, but I need to walk myself through this. There is only one person who can talk me down for whatever reason, that person is unfortunately not travis. But he's not good for just talking, if he's annoyed or I don't accept his first answer the response is always "well idk what you want me to do/say about it" and he gives up.

Anyway. When I finally calmed down I couldn't even see straight. It looked like everything was shaking or jumping in front of me and I could practically feel my heart beat on my face even though it was still numb. I've dealt with the hyperventilating, the light headness, once I had so much anxiety for a number of days in a row that I got physically ill and couldn't stop vomiting for those days. But the numbness in my face and the tingling in my fingers, the feeling like I couldn't walk, and the world jumping around, none of those has ever happened to me before and I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare me.

While I'm thinking about it I forgot to mention. "Calm down." "Relax." "You're being crazy/over dramatic" don't EVER say these to an anxious person. If we COULD calm down we wouldn't be sitting in front of you with our face in our hands hyperventilating. If we could just relaxxxx we would, we wouldn't hide in showers (again). We already know we are crazy but that doesn't help the feeling, that's like telling someone to stop loving someone else, you can't just STOP. If you want to get slapped by a person who isn't afraid of pain in their hands since they can't even feel their fingers those are the lines to use!


I guess this wasn't really a short post. But this is the worst and longest anxiety attack I've had to date. And even if it lost some details along the way I feel like I needed to vent this out. Please respect the fact that this is a very personal bit of my life, and as I've mentioned few people in my life even know that I have these problems.

Thigh gaps

There's been a lot of hype lately about a thigh gap. I don't know who came up with it, why it's so amazing, or anything like that. As far as things go for me, I'm all about the collar bone. I love a nice sexy collar bone, thigh gaps optional. Ya know?

Anyway. Since it is such a popular thing I figured it's worth a brief discussion here. First, a lot of people claim you're fat if you don't have a thigh gap, then those (who are usually self conscious) claim that anyone with a thigh gap is unhealthy. Neither of these statements are true.

Whether or not you can actually obtain a thigh gap your body type will definitely play a key roll in this. For example, your hip structure. It would be much more difficult to obtain a thigh gap if you have narrow hips, and there is unfortunately no painless way to change your bone structure.

I'm going to say this once, and only once (but that's a total lie I'll probably say it a lot) a thigh gap is in NO way shape or form a good indicator on your health or fitness.

For some to achieve a thigh gap they may have to be wildly underweight. While others may have a thigh gap naturally. Some may even have one when they start losing weight but as they tone and build muscle in their legs lose the gap. Even when I fell in the slightly over weight category at one time in life even I had a thigh gap. Not once did I ever think this was something awesome or picture worthy. I thought "damn my hips are huge I'll never be a size 1!" To be honest, I had never even noticed my thigh gap until I had gained a lot of weight and realized my legs were rubbing together and sore! They were simpler times back then.

I don't honestly know who started this trend. But I do know that the epidemic is becoming a problem. Don't starve yourself over your legs for God sake! The most important part should not be to obtain a thigh gap. If you want to lose weight that's great, but your main goal should always be that of healthiness. A thigh gap, a collar bone, and a flat stomach are not adequate measurements of healthiness or fitness. Don't ever forget that!

With all of this being said. I like to work out my thighs and my butt. To lose weight you're going to have to incorporate cardio into your life. If you're looking at toning your body that's a whole different area. I know when someone starts, say, running and they lose a lot of weight but still have a little pouch left of a belly that just doesn't want to go away it can be really frustrating! Maybe your thighs are being quite stubborn and you haven't the faintest clue what sort of exercises you can do to work them. I'm all about toning, and here are a few thigh busting exercises that require little to no equipment. (Pulling a few pictures from pinterest. I don't any of these photos or the people in them.)

Butterfly stretches.
If you aren't familiar with a butterfly stretch sit down put the flats of your feet together and pull your heel as close to your body as you can.

Lunges, and side Lunges too.

Squats. (They're good for your toosh too!)

Pull a chair out. Lay on your left side. Place your right foot on the chair and let your left foot hoover underneath the seat. They're hard. Switch sides.

Wall sits.

Lay on your side again with your legs together and slightly bent at the knee. Keeping your feet together and the bottom leg on the ground lift your other leg.

Scissor kicks.

Since you're already down there throw in a few donkey kicks for your glutes!

Your fitness journey and how others play into it

Let me just first say it is awesome to have people close to you trying to lose weight or supporting you. It can be a great source of encouragement! And here's some good ideas for having a fitness buddy, and also, some things to watch out for.

Compete

You could do something similar to the biggest loser. Put money down, maybe whoever loses the most percentage of their weight in a month (because simply pounds is unfair as heavier people lose quicker. Unless you are starting at the same weight you should look at percentage rather than just pounds) gets a prize. Like, say the loser takes winner to a movie or (healthy) dinner. Maybe you just bet cash who knows.

Can you say work out buddy!

Working out with a partner can be a pretty great thing. Not only can you have your partner help you with stretches and be your spotter, but also if you're trying something new or silly looking it can be pretty entertaining to see what someone else looks like doing it. Working out with someone you're close to can be hilarious and maybe even a little awkward. Of course, having a partner can be pretty helpful in more productive ways too. Maybe you didn't realize you have been doing a particular workout incorrectly (if not done correctly you'll still burn calories of course, but probably not target the specific area quite as well as planned.) and they can see it by watching you. You can show each other new moves, record each other for future play back or maybe you just want pictures and video for on your own fitness blog. Best of all, having someone else there goes back up to the competitive nature in you as well. No one wants to be the 'more' out of shape friends. So if the two of you are doing the same work out both will stay with it longer hoping the other will stop first. It makes for a stronger workout. If you're two girls working out why is getting your nails any different than a work out session? It's gossip time! Keeping your mind off the fact that you're working out and exhausted might keep you going longer too!

Support

This is huge. This is actually part of the reason I have this blog. Having so many people rooting for you, asking you how you're doing, being interested in your progress, not only does it motivate you, but it also keeps you accountable. I would urge everyone who is trying to lose weight to let the whole world know! You will get some who blow you off, doubt you, thinking it's just a phase, and set out to prove those people wrong! But the people who support you might even adapt your habits, or at least respect you enough to not make a quit pit stop through McDonald's drive ins while you're with them. Having friends with similar lifestyles makes them easier to maintain and feel more, let's say...typical.

Compatibility

Okay, now I feel like I'm just listing things a good spouse should have...but I'm really not. I couldn't think of a better word, so this is it. If you're anything like me, when you really get into something that's probably all you want to talk about. Like, when you meet someone new you're calling your girlfriends up the very next day to discuss the boy. Well, why is adapting a healthy lifestyle any different? I haven't come across that many people who care that there are around 77 calories in an egg, or that you burn more calories jump roping than you do jogging. No, very feel people share my passion for measuring my mayo before I use it and are so tickled with my food scale. Having someone who can get excited about all of these things with you, rather than for  you (as the supportive friends do) then you're in for a world of happiness and late night talks about the consistency of your poop this week. Yeah, we went there.

Knowledge

This is a pretty big one too. I have a friend who decided back around the holidays last year that she was done being unhealthy. I had dieted off and on around the same time, she stuck with it, I didn't. Now that I am passionate about it I've committed to learning a lot about not only the foods I'm eating but also the way different exercises affect my body and such. Now, for every one tip I can give her, she usually has three to hand back to me. We show each other new work outs all the time, things that we found are super hard which we love! And I have been blessed enough to be able to give some of my other friends who haven't carved a billion snips of random fitness knowledge into their heads some good advice too. I know all too many who think the quickest and easiest way to lose weight is to hardly eat at all. I've been able to help them learn all the reasons this isn't healthy, the way it damages their body and actually hurts their weight loss goals, and to help them to get on track. Just as I have been helped.



Now those are some of the super great reasons why it's great to have friends with you on your fitness journey. But there's a few snags too.

Competition.

Wait, didn't we just talk about this? As a good thing? Yes. Definitely. But there will be weeks when you will lose say two pounds and your friend will lose four. There will be times you're still teetering in the 170s and they finally bumped down to the high 160s. There are time you're going to compare your journey to theirs and wonder why you aren't having the same success.

Don't. While you're watching them thinking they have lost a few pounds more than you, they are probably watching you thinking how you have smaller thighs than they do or your obliques are practically gone. Don't compare yourself to someone else at all times because then you're not seeing the results you've made for yourself! Your main focus on your fitness journey should be about you! Of course you want to support your friends and see them do well to but odds are you are probably different heights, are starting at different weights, will lose different amounts, and have different life styles and final weights. Don't take your body for granted just because theirs might be in better shape for now. We know you're out of shape, that's the whole reason we're doing this!

I actually have a personal story here. As mentioned before I have had two children, boys. I have a friend who had one child, a little girl. When I left for the beach she thought she weighted around maybe 178-180, I weighed 184.4. Just last week the two of us along with another friend (as mentioned above who started losing around the holidays) and she weighed 162. Now I have been working my toosh off and was the heaviest one in the room. So I was all about self pity and wallowing for a few days, ignoring the fact that I'd already lost about 11 pounds. When I found out later that she wasn't actually losing weight with eating healthy and working out (though she said she'd been running) that she'd had a little...let's say, help. I was annoyed. Annoyed because she was 'cheating' and made me feel bad even though I was doing it right damn it!
Of course I realize now how silly that is. She knows my views on all of the alternative weight loss supplements and gimmicks(pills, wraps, etc), she knows that as soon as you stop the gimmicks you gain the weight back, but for whatever reason she still chose them. And that's fine. She can be proud of the fact that she's lost 16 pounds in the last month doing her things, and I can be proud that I've lost 14 doing my things. And we can both be happy for that. There was a time that I was so miserable with my body and myself that I was two clicks and one credit card swipe away from buying every 'weight loss miracle' out there. But I didn't. The moral of the story is that I got too carried away worrying about her and not me that I even got angry at her! How silly is that? We all want the same things, to be happy with our bodies, I just want to be healthy in mine as well. We are all young though, I think few our age really worry about our bodies to that extent.

Support

This isn't such a huge deal either. I just wanted to throw it out there that sometimes when you have a lot of people rooting for you that you may get over whelmed with the pressure of not wanting to let all these people down. Or maybe you just feel embarrassed when you gain or don't lose. Either way. I'll say again. This is your journey, about you.


Everyone else is great but they're just that...everyone else. Get as much out of them as you possibly can, but don't let them drag you down.

Happy fitness folks.

Weekly weigh in

It's that day again! Weekly weigh in day.

If you'll recall last week I weighed in on 179.8 bringing my weigh loss to about 11 pounds!

Now this week I didn't do so hot. First I found myself pigging out on the tortilla chips and nacho cheese. Actually got to the point where I just decided to throw the whole damn nacho cheese away. Then this nasty cold took over my life, I only ended up working out four days this past week compared to my usual seven. I figured I had already screwed the week, and with a friend home visiting from across the country I said eff it and had some pizza. Only one slice (285 calories) but still had three bread sticks (100 calories per stick, 3 grams fat). One day I was debating between getting some chicken tenders (3 for 248 calories) but decided to get a salad instead (144 calories) but when they added cheese to it and I found out the 1.5 oz was TWO-HUNDRED calories my salad ended up being worse for me than the fried chicken was! Go figure.

This week I also ate a heavier breakfast. Before I was eating a cup of fruit, ear of corn, granola bar, a few times this week I had cereal. One day I slept in late enough that I skipped breakfast all together. The only thing I really had going for me was last Saturday I had a few drinks, and this week I had none.

Either way, this week my goal wasn't even to lose weight (I mean it always is) I was just hoping I didn't gain any. So with eager anticipation...I stepped onto the scale.

And I weighed.





176.6 pounds. I lost another three pounds! Grand total of 14.4 now. I am spoiling myself (again) at the moment because when I was sick growing up mom always bought me sprite or coke and crackers. So I am drinking myself a sprite but it seems to lack the magical healing powers it did when I was younger. First I just had a stuffy/runny nose and hoarse throat and bad cough, which just made it really difficult to work out once I got winded. But now I'm actually nauseous as well. Makes for a pretty bad appetite suppressant when you try to eat and get sick.

Anyway, I'm not going to do a big whole helpful tips thing today since it's weigh in day and I'm a busy bee today. But I already know what I want to blog about tomorrow, so long as the wifi is actually working.

How to not eat what you want to eat, those pesky cravings!

So you decide you want to diet? Monitor your calories, grams of fat, maybe even sugars, and you do great all day. Suddenly, as the sun begins to set and the cravings start rolling in you find you have no choice but to toss your great day aside and binge eat literally everything you can get your hands on!

Yes, that's me. I am the 9 o'clock binge eater. I think I may actually need help. Two nights ago I came home, had a mini powerdered donut, far more than the suggested serving size of nachos and chips, and then shoveled the remaining french fries from Wyatt's dinner in my mouth. Followed promptly by self hate and loathe.

I think it's safe to say that I've not done too great on my diet this week in general. My goal for this week isn't even to lose any weight, I just don't want to gain any! It's been that bad. And my whole damn house has caught some sort of bug, we've all been up all hours of the night coughing, and (for Sawyer) crying. Last night I was so tired I decided I wasn't even going to work out (since I normally do it following putting the boys to bed.)! Of course, someone was awake until after 2 in the morning anyway so so much for the sleep idea.

Oh well, we've talked about having bad diet days, I guess sometimes you have bad diet weeks. Next week I'm planning on making veggie pizza for a friend's birthday, so of course there's a ton more of bad days coming next week, I'll eat that stuff until I get sick it's soo good. Don't worry, I'll be sure to share the recipe soon.

So here's some helpful tips at how to not eat what you want to eat!

Avoid the weak moments.

You are much more likely to fall victim to the dreaded cravings if you aren't taking care of yourself. For example, if your body is feeling drained, if you aren't eating enough or getting enough sleep you're more likely to fall victim to these cravings. Also, seeing the foods is the quickest way to make yourself want them. 

Don't keep it in the house.

If you don't want to see the bad foods, simply don't keep them around. Granted, there will be times when you will be other places and come across them and then it all comes down to will power. If I get Wyatt, Sawyer, and myself a snack and eat mine, after they go to bed if their snack is still sitting out I'll pick at it unless I throw it away asap. Last night I had to throw out the rest of my nacho cheese because I COULDN'T STOP. It's like a sickness I think. Anyway, I'm not a mean mom, I still get the kids snacks. I want them to eat healthy too of course but I don't think a cookie here and there is going to kill them. So I usually buy a pack a month of something I don't like. I'm not a fan of chocolate so there's a lot of opportunities there for them.

Remind yourself why you don't want it.

Seriously, just go read all the nutritional values. If it says "1 oz 130 calories" (as my tortilla chips claimed) and you happen to have a scale you measure that shit out. Gasp! That's not even a third of what you would have eaten! And now you're horrendously disgusted by this snack. Think of how great you did all day. Look back at any before pictures you have and picture yourself getting back to that weight if you eat the one damn ounce....

Give yourself the twenty minute rule.

Twenty minutes. Don't set a timer because when it goes off it'll just remind you of your craving. But go do something else to keep yourself busy. Working out for example, would be a great one. If twenty minutes go by and you still want those darn tortilla chips then I guess your cravings have won for the night.

Drink a full glass of water.

Not sure if this is actually something healthy for you to do or anything, but it works for me. I chug a whole glass of water. Immediately I feel bloated and gross (similarly to how I do after shoveling all those chips in my mouth...) and the thought of food is just a big hell no.

Substitute!

If you're looking for something sweet or sugary try a half cup of strawberries. If you want chocolate you're probably lacking in your diet, eat some nuts. Need something salty and crunchy? Speared pickles. No really, they are one of my go to craving kickers. There's only 5 calories in one spear. For some reason popsicles are the one thing that always seem to make me happy. At 25 calories per pop and 0 grams fat what could go wrong?

And if all else fails, you fall victim to the cravings, at least try to work them off and remember that tomorrow you can do better. I don't care if you have a bad diet day, or a week, or even a month, it's never a bad day to be healthy.

Free, cheap, and homemade exercise equipment!

Today I actually have some interesting exercise hacks. Since "I don't have money for the gym" "I don't have any exercise equipment" and "I don't have money to buy equipment" were some of our common excuse I knew exactly what I wanted to blog about today.
Free, cheap, and homemade exercise equipment!

Here I just have a few simple hacks. Every day household items you can use to exercise with, cheap substitutes for the real equipment, or ways to make your own make shift equipment! So simple you'll want to smack yourself for not thinking of it earlier!

Things you probably already have at home, and what to do with them.

Stairs!

Even a lot of one story home have a basement or stairs leading up to their house! In one hour a 130 pound person burns 472 calories just walking up stairs, someone who weighs 155 pounds will burn 563 calories, and someone at 190 will burn 690 calories. At 130 pounds a person would burn 885 calories running upstairs for an hour, the 155 pound person would burn 1,056 calories, and the 190 person would burn 1,294. Now remember, when you are going upstairs you will also have to come back down the stairs so your calories burnt will fluctuate on this factor. But this is just food for thought.

A chair

There are so many exercises you can do with a simple chair I don't even know where to start. Because I haven't actually done very many (or any at all) exercises on my chair, so I'm only going to suggest a few and really urge any readers to go onto pinterest for this one. One simple thing you can do is to step onto the chair with, say, your left foot, pull your right foot up and then place your right foot on the back of the chair, then back to the seat, and then get down. Repeat. You could use the chair for elevated push ups or as a guide to your squats. Squat and hover just over the chair for 30 seconds, gradually increase the time.

A broom

Apparently jumping over brooms isn't just a wedding tradition, it's not a exercise either. This particular exercise could be done over just about anything really. You could also place a broom behind your neck and across your shoulders, hold the broom in place, keeping your feet flat on the ground do some trunk twists. If you want to get super technical, housework burns calories too, make sure you thank your kids for the mess they make tonight.

A wall.

I have yet to come across a house without walls, so I don't want any excuses with this one. Wall sits. You either love them or you hate them, but either way it's a great work out for your thighs. You don't have to limit yourself to just the plain jane boring wall sit, for a bigger challenge stick one leg straight out in front of you when you do them. For a core work out as well grab some weights or a medicine ball and with your back still against the wall and the weights/ball held out in front of you do some rotations. Wall sits are a great exercise for the quads, strong healthy quads are less likely to be injured when running. Add a wall sit to your daily run to prevent injuries. I like to use the wall when I do certain stretches as well. Like putting my foot on the wall and squating as low as I can

A mess!

Seriously, who doesn't have this problem, especially if you have kids! When picking up things on the floor instead of bending over do squats to reach them. Same with if you have to clean something lower, like say, you're wiping off your windows, use both hands and more pressure as you wipe and when you get to the lower part of the window squat instead of bending. Give yourself a time limit to clean your house, see how fast you can get yourself moving! 

Replace that, with this;

Replace that: 

The first picture is a glider and I have seen go for as low as $70 and as high as $400. I kid you not. The second picture is a Fit & Trim ab slider and they usually retail anywhere between $18-25. The third is a Roll-N-Flex ab roller and retails for around $30. They actually do make gliding discs which are essentially the same as gliders but charge closer to $20.

With this:

My personal favorite is furniture sliders. But paper plates and plastic bags both work well too. I like the furniture sliders personally because if I decide to put my knees on the sliders and keep my hands still I have a nice little cushion. The price varies, as does the size and count per package, you can find prices as low as $4 or as high as $20 per pack. If you don't have any laying around the house I suggest you get some, they come in handy tremendously with moving big furniture, especially if you're like my family and get bored with the same set up. If you don't have, or want furniture gliders that's fine too! Paper plates work just as well and packs of the small (typically cake serving) plates can be found for a dollar or less. Plastic bags, yep, the thing you get free with your groceries. I have a bag full of plastic bags in my house! If you have hard wood floors a simple towel or rag will suffice. 

Replace that: 

Dumbells!

With this:

Canned foods. A gallon of water makes a decent weight, but the weight isn't usually evenly distributed. Water bottles filled with sand or even rocks make a great hand held alternative. 

Replace that:

A medicine ball.

With this:

Get a backetball and fill it with sand. 

Replace that:

Resistance bands.

With this:

This I think is actually a pretty easy one to replace. A bungee cord or pair of spandex has all of the give and take you're looking for in a resistance band. 

Replace that:

Tires.

With this:

Maybe you've seen the movies or watched professionals run through an obstacle course and part of the course was going through a bunch of tires. Looks intense doesn't it? Unfortunately you don't happen to have a ton of tires just laying around, and when you finally do get a flat, one tire seems hardly worth it. If you happen to have a dollar tree in your area (if you don't I sincerely pity you) you'll know that everything is only $1. Thus the name. So you could buy, say, 10 innertubes for ten dollars. Congratulations, you now have your own partial obstacle course. I'd definitely suggest filling the tubes with water or sand or tape them together so you don't kick them into the air when you're trying to go through it. Remember, this is something you will have to either buy in the summer time or online! Don't wait around on this one.

Now here is just a fun idea I happened to have stumbled upon. If you aren't the kind of person who likes to follow the same routine everyday you'll probably get a kick out of this one. Get some popsicle sticks, on each stick write a different exercise on them, then draw a few and you have your exercises! If you still want to get a full body work out get several different containers and label each accordingly (Core, quads, arms, etc) then draw one from each container and you'll have an exercise for each part of your body. They can be as specific, vague, easy, difficult, creative as you want. 

Debunking the classic excuses to not exercise

Today I figured we would talk all about excuses. Let's face it, we're full of them. I've heard, thought of, or used just about all of them. It's a shame excuses don't burn calories. Since they don't, we're going to list them here, and then we're going to destroy them!

The two most common excuses by far are "I'm just too tired." and "I don't have time."

"I'm too tired."

Well it's a good thing that working out jump starts your adrenalin, you'll probably have more energy after you work out than you did before. Also, the more you work out the better you are going to start to feel.

"I don't have time."

A one hour workout is 4% of your day. Please tell me more about your busy schedule. Somewhere out there, someone busier than you is working out right now. Also, there are tons of ways to incorporate working out into your every day life, and there are tons of short workout routines. If you go onto pintrest and look up "one song work out" you'll find a series of hardcore workouts that require only the length of, you guessed it, one song.

"I can't afford to." or "I don't have any equipment"

As stated in my very first blog, my biggest expense in this lifestyle change was my fitness journal, and they have tons of apps and free print offs for them. Most of the things I do require no equipment, and the things that do can mostly be worked up at home. For example, I have 5lb and 8lb dumbbells that I use every day, fill a water bottle up with rocks, viola! You don't need equipment to walk, you can do that literally anywhere. Good old fashioned jumping jacks, high knees, and lunges go a pretty long way too. 

"I feel self conscious about being in the gym." or "I don't like working out around people."

You don't need to go to the gym. There's plenty you can do alone. If you want to try something like Zumba but are uncomfortable in the classroom get the home DVDS. Zumba for the wii is cheaper than the actually DVDs but obviously will have less songs and options as well. Still, it's great to get started. There's no law that says you can't work out alone. I actually prefer it this way.

"I get bored."

Then you aren't working hard enough or you need to change it up! I find walking on the treadmill completely boring. I do however like walking around the neighborhood. If I'm working out and I'm bored, I'm probably not pushing myself at all. There is nothing boring about being out of breath, sweating, and feeling like your legs are jello. I promise you, if you push yourself you will not be bored. Put on some upbeat music, when I do my dumbbells I even do it in front of the TV. You could even turn it into a game. Like a drinking game? Every time Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory doesn't understand someone's sense of sarcasm do 25 jumping jacks. Get creative with it!!

"I don't like to sweat."

I don't like looking like a tub of lard. Would you rather be covered in sweat at the gym (or where ever you may be working out) or covered in clothes at the beach?

"I have never worked out before" 

And there's obviously a reason you're reading this now. If you were comfortable with your body you wouldn't feel the need to come up with excuses like this. There is a reason for your health and weight issues, and you just nailed part of that problem."

"I don't know how."

You put one leg in front of the other that's how. But seriously, this is probably one of the worst excuses out there. In this day and time there are practically unlimited amount of information at our finger tips. While I highly doubt anyone doesn't know how to do jumping jacks, to jog, or what a push up is, if this were actually true a quick search on the internet would do, also there are tons of apps for this sort of thing. No internet? There's thousands of movies out there with routines. Healthy living magazines, hell even my Cosmo magazines give me different exercises! If all of that fails, call me and I could teach you fifty different things in a half hour!

"My kid won't let me." or "I don't know what to do with my kids when I do."

One, a lot of gyms have childcare provided too, two if you have a partner they can watch them, three, you could get a sitter if you really wanted to. If none of those are an option here's tons more! When they are babies you can do it while they nap. If you have a partner or spouse you do it while your spouse bathes them or puts them to bed. If they're old enough you encourage them to join you! and if all else fails you wake up an hour early or stay up an hour later to get shit done. My three year old thinks he's a jump rope champ! (Though hes never actually managed to jump the rope once.) He knows as soon as I pick up a dumbbell "You exercising!" He mimmicks all of the stretches I do in his own special way. You could even use your kids as your exercises. Pushing them on the swings, taking them for a walk, racing around the house or up the stairs, take your kids on a bike ride, bring them to the track with you and let them walk with you, piggy back rides. If anything, kids are any but an excuse. My kids are my biggest motivation even! Most of the things I do are after they go to sleep but Wyatt loves working out with me if I try to nab a quick 15 minute spell while lunch is cooking.

"I'm too big." or "I'm not good at it."

Isn't that the point? No one expects you to be great when you start, but you have to start to be great. There is almost no better feeling then doing something and realizing two weeks ago your body couldn't do that. It won't happen all at once, but you get stronger every day.

"None of my friends work out."

Good for them. But this isn't about anyone but you. When you lose weight because of other people you're less likely to keep it off. Do it for yourself and you'll have greater motivation and more to be proud of. Watching your journey and improvement might actually inspire your friends to do the same.

"I don't have any motivation."

This is actually a legitmate problem. You need to find what motivates you, what keeps you on track. Maybe you're getting married and want to look your best, or bikini season is coming up. Shallow reasons do work pretty effectively but do also tend to be a long term achievement. If you decide to lose five pounds for your wedding are you going to go back to how things were right after the wedding? In which case you will probably gain the weight back. If you want to maintain a healthy lifestyle and look great doing it, that might be a more long term commitment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being motivated to look great! Just remember once you achieve your goal you have to keep going! I've heard of people taking pictures of themselves in a bikini and taping it to the fridge, I've heard of people putting their scale infront of the fridge so they have to step on it before they can open it, I've heard of people writing down a small goal first thing every morning and hanging it on their wall. Whatever works for you, do it! I actually cut out a ton of mult-colored hearts and wrote a reason to do this on each one. Some reasons are shallow, some are great. The best kind of motivations are ones you do for yourself.

"I have asthma/bad knees/sore tendons/a bad back etc"

I have a bad ankle. I had surgery on it about 5 years ago, they actually took some small bone out that literally does nothing. And now being on it still hurts something fierce. I have an ankle brace. I use icy hot, I do as many exercises on the floor as I can. I was having knee problems a few weeks ago, but I'm pretty sure it was actually weight related! My sister's spine is literally shaped like an S, losing weight would actually help with the pressure on her spine and her doctor actually gave her exercises to help. Working out is good for your body. There are plenty of athletes, famous athletes, who have asthma or other health issues. Jerome Bettis (former Pittsburgh Steeler player and Super Bowl champion) was diagnosed with asthma at 15, Bobby Clarke (Philadelphia Flyers player, Stanley Cup winner, regarded as one of the best hockey players of all time) was diagnosed with diabetes at 13, and Dana Vollmet (first woman to ever swim the 100-meter butterfly in under 56 seconds) was diagnosed  with long QT syndrome (an electrical disorder within the heart) at fifteen, and these are only to name a few! Whatever aches and pains you have are not a good excuse only you let it be.

"I don't like to work out alone."

Attend a class, go to the gym, get a trainer, even just following along with a work out video might make you feel less alone. I think it's great to have a work out buddy though, often it executes a level of friendly competition so both may push the other to have a better work out. Unfortunately, life for most people, especially parents or those with demanding careers, is pretty hectic and it's difficult to work schedules to always have a work out partner. Make an agreement with yourself that you can't always have a partner that you will at least mirror your workouts, if you work out with a friend one day you have to work out by yourself atleast once that week too, if you meet with a friend twice you have to work out alone twice. Working out twice a week, or four times a week, is better than only once or not at all. 

"I'll start tomorrow."

Is there something special about tomorrow? If it's something that you could start any time why wait? If you keep pushing back your start for three months then in three months you'll have wish you'd started today. In all the time that you are procrastinating imagine how much you could actually be getting done!

"I don't have work out clothes/shoes"

Yes, I have literally, actually, heard this one. I don't have a set outfit to work out in. Most days I wear pajama pants and a sports bra or lose shirt. Hell you could exercise naked for all I care (assuming you are home alone. Don't exercise naked at a gym.)

"I'm too stressed/sad/lonely/blah blah blah"

I have anxiety issues and in the past few weeks have been less stressed than...Jesus I can't even remember the last time I was this relaxed. If you're angry use that in your work out. Let out your frustration! 

"I just don't feel like it."

Honestly, I don't usually feel like it either. And then I go back to whatever I found to be my motivation a few excuses ago. I play with my kids, I check out my collar bones (which for the first time in my life are getting visible) I go online and look for some inspiration other used (not pictures of super skinny chicks, I'd rather read blogs, see before and after pictures, talk about all the benefits etc) and then I just get up. And I do it, even if I don't want to. And guess what, I feel awesome afterwards.

That pretty much runs me dry of excuses. Basically the point I'm trying to get to is that no one gives a damn about you're excuses. Whether you're telling everyone else why you still haven't lost that weight you've been talking about getting rid of for months, or whether you're trying to tell yourself all of these. Be stronger than your strongest excuse. Now get going!